I’ve been in Royan for about two weeks now, long enough to settle in and get a feel for life here. Currently I am in a provisional living situation. I’m staying in the Résidence Erasmus, which is the housing for language students who come to study at the CAREL. It’s a fairly nice little apartment all things considered. I have a view of my workplace out my second-story window, and it’s pretty spacious compared to other student housing.
I have however noticed something very peculiar about my apartment. A few days after moving in I realized that there is a gnome living under my bed. He stands no taller than eight inches from the ground, wears something that resembles a medieval tunic, and has a long beard that has been braided into two strands with great care, which I’ve since learned is pretty standard for gnomes.
At first I had little to complain about as his habits were more or less innocuous. Late at night when I was on my computer he would creep out from under the bed and watch me intently as I worked. Now and then he would grunt or guffaw in apparent criticism, but he restrained himself for the most part. Lately he has become more intrusive, and I have come to realize, as it is now painfully obvious, that he has tasked himself with assuring the quality of my work here as a teacher. This wouldn’t be so bad if his method for doing so consisted of something other than negative reinforcement.
This negative reinforcement has evolved over time. As I mentioned before, he used to limit himself to disapproving grunts. Now, whenever he isn’t satisfied with my efforts he retrieves a miniature cat-o-nine tails from under the bed and flogs me vigorously on the part of my head where he assumes my conscience to reside. (As a result I have a sore and slightly lacerated left temple.) Even worse, while I’m trying to sleep he paces to and fro at the foot of my bed demanding definitions for things like bounded morphemes and periphrasis. When, in bewilderment, I ask him why I would require any of these things to effectively teach English as a foreign language, he shrieks horribly and goes into a rage, tearing at his hair and stomping his feet.
At this point I’m not really sure how to get rid of him. I might try asking about anti-gnome spray at the grocery store.
4 comments:
Wow!! Hey Brian, you really have to do something about this gnome man! I mean, you are stronger than that!! Don't let you daily happiness be ruined by some strange being that doesn't even have a contrat which allows him (I figured it was a he) to live under your bed! Just show him who's the real teacher there! He can't tell you noffin'!!
(Okay, seriously now, what is this metaphore refering to? cause, it was kinda scary.. like, are you mentaly insane, or, is there a woman living with you? come on, I can help you!! and, the anti gnome spray might as well work on her!)
I'm glad you like the life there my friend! And I insist on you coming to see me in Sweden!
Does he wear a feather in his cap? if so, perhaps he is your "gnome de plume!"
Salut Brian,
Je suis heureuse de voir que Royan convient bien a ton inspiration! Ton "histoire", veridique sans aucun doute, m'a fait penser a une chanson de David Bowie des annees 60, "the laughing gnome" (enfin si ma memoire est bonne).
Mais quand meme Brian, le cidre, passe encore, mais vas-y doucement sur le calva avant de t'endormir!
Je vois que la culture celte - meme si tu t'eloignes de plus en plus de la Bretagne- ne te laisse pas indifferent et te donne des idees.
Bonne continuation!
Chrystele
So when are we going to find time to meet up. You know that we're officially all moved to Scotland and Josh started his MBA program this week? He has 2 weeks in Dec and 2 weeks in April of vacation. We should definitely catch up with eachother! Good luck!
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