I’ve been in Royan for about two weeks now, long enough to settle in and get a feel for life here. Currently I am in a provisional living situation. I’m staying in the Résidence Erasmus, which is the housing for language students who come to study at the CAREL. It’s a fairly nice little apartment all things considered. I have a view of my workplace out my second-story window, and it’s pretty spacious compared to other student housing.
I have however noticed something very peculiar about my apartment. A few days after moving in I realized that there is a gnome living under my bed. He stands no taller than eight inches from the ground, wears something that resembles a medieval tunic, and has a long beard that has been braided into two strands with great care, which I’ve since learned is pretty standard for gnomes.
At first I had little to complain about as his habits were more or less innocuous. Late at night when I was on my computer he would creep out from under the bed and watch me intently as I worked. Now and then he would grunt or guffaw in apparent criticism, but he restrained himself for the most part. Lately he has become more intrusive, and I have come to realize, as it is now painfully obvious, that he has tasked himself with assuring the quality of my work here as a teacher. This wouldn’t be so bad if his method for doing so consisted of something other than negative reinforcement.
This negative reinforcement has evolved over time. As I mentioned before, he used to limit himself to disapproving grunts. Now, whenever he isn’t satisfied with my efforts he retrieves a miniature cat-o-nine tails from under the bed and flogs me vigorously on the part of my head where he assumes my conscience to reside. (As a result I have a sore and slightly lacerated left temple.) Even worse, while I’m trying to sleep he paces to and fro at the foot of my bed demanding definitions for things like bounded morphemes and periphrasis. When, in bewilderment, I ask him why I would require any of these things to effectively teach English as a foreign language, he shrieks horribly and goes into a rage, tearing at his hair and stomping his feet.
At this point I’m not really sure how to get rid of him. I might try asking about anti-gnome spray at the grocery store.
